In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

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In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

First the essay can be read by you, and directly after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered and also the sentence in the essay has been colour coded to correspond to your fours marking criteria used because of the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial will assist you to understand:

  • How a Band is got by an essay 7
  • What sentence structures and language will become necessary for a Band 7
  • Tips on how to smoothly link ideas

During the present time, the people of some countries includes a somewhat large number of young adults, compared to the amount of older people. Perform some advantages for this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with additional young people than old people. Even this particular fact may have both benefits and drawbacks, i think the positive implications of having a population that is youthful the negative ones. This essay will discuss the pros and cons examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one hand, having more younger people could lead to a lack of professionals into the society. Older population may be more educated than the young one, this is being why they usually have had more hours to study a career that is professional their lives. As an example, in order to become a specialist physician it is needed at least a decade of university studies and also this is almost certainly not able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s may have been through a lot in life plus they may be more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This can make it possible to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have higher rate of crime, this could be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A report through the University of Chile revealed that into the south of Chile, in which the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice greater than within the north where all of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations come in general more energetic and much more happy. This may be because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to the office more and continue maintaining them-self more vigorous. Contributing to the fact that healthy people can perhaps work more proficiently, with this specific they could donate to the economy associated with country, making money instead of spending. For example, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of cash in health for their citizens that are old. Another positive aspect of having young adult populations is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than old individuals to practice and turn an excellent sport professional. In soccer a lot of the players retires from their soccer-career once they turn thirty years old. With old people there would be no right time and energy to start a hobby career. And last but most certainly not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This could be because they are more proactive http://edubirdies.org/write-my-paper-for-me in organize those activities as well as prone to be involved in them. Old people may be too tired to venture out.

To conclude using the arguments given above, I firmly think that the advantages of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. And even though, there are numerous positive areas of having a mature population
that we must look into.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with more young adults than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact could have both benefits and drawbacks, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of getting a population that is youthful the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages (LR1) giving examples to aid both point of view.

TR1 – Good to start by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your use of punctuation.
TR2 – Good to state your opinion clearly.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Make an effort to vary your use of vocabulary whenever you can.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to the young one, this might be being why LR2 that is( they have had additional time to study an expert career in their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , in order to become a professional physician it really is needed at the least 10 years of university studies and this is almost certainly not able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) might have been through a lot in life (LR5) in addition they may become more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might make it possible to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will probably have higher rate of crime, this might be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A research through the University of Chile (TR5) indicated that within the south of Chile, in which the population is mainly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than into the north where almost all of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

CC2 – the right phrase to introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce a good example.
TR4 – Good to incorporate an illustration to aid your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at least… and young adults have not yet had time to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a little regarding the side that is informal but lovely natural usage of language.
TR5 – Again, good to make use of examples to support your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – and also the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations come in general more vigorous and much more happy. This may be because (CC5) they have less old age-associated illness leading them to operate more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the truth that healthy people can perhaps work more efficiently, with this they could subscribe to the economy for the country, making money rather than spending (GR4) . For example, the simple truth is that old societies fork out a lot of money in health due to their old citizens (LR8) . Another positive part of having adult that is young is that there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more some time more energy than
old visitors to practice and be an excellent sport professional. In soccer all of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career when they turn thirty years old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time to start an activity career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This could be since they are more proactive in organize those activities and in addition almost certainly going to participate in them. Old people may be too tired to venture out.